Gratitude Journal/What have you done today...#5

-I finally got my Bose Triports and the guys at the shop were really nice
-I finally redeemed my birthday vouchers for some nice Apple stuff
-Ian has agreed to help me with my project
-I am thankful that while other parts of me may be crashing, my skin is still nice
-I had some great sambal shrimp today
-I am thankful for my friends. I was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight and Meredith was having just the worst day with her dog and the cheating ex lover, and she said that in spite of it all, there are some things to be grateful for. Her friends. i realize that my friends really had the patience to wait it out with me. To see me through the grieving process. I was so angry while I was in Thailand because I finally saw me...in someone else's shoes. I felt pity for him, and anger for me. I wished it could be different for him. But I can feel I am soon ready to move on to the next step of grieving. I am starting to feel not hatred or resentment, but a sense of letting go. I can feel that I am about to be able to tell myself that he should just go. And it's ok. I should have said from the start, don't you have a wife to go home to? I deserve better. and I deserve more. I know it's sad because I am very very picky. And I picked him. I guess it's sad more because he is the one that will have to live knowing he messed up. And no words can change that fact. No words can change the fact that his partner is living with a man she thinks she knows. And he wants so bad for her to really know him. But how do you know someone who doesn't know himself? Which brings me back to why it's starting to feel ok to let go. It's ok.
Forgiveness is letting go the hope that things can be different. I understand that now.