So the haze has hit Singapore. And everyone is just sick. Thanks Indonesia. Crap country.
I have not written in a while. Not here at least. Watching the news daily has made my writings negative according to friends. They say that it has been a while since they have heard anything positive. Much of course were about US foreign policy. I realize that it is not something I can control or influence, unlike the Americans people who let their president do as he pleases. It is a waste of emotions and energy over things you can't control. And letting go is the most charitable thing you can do for your sanity. So I have stopped fretting about how stupid the world has become, and take heart in knowing things will have their own predestined conclusions.
I guess the same can be said about Tod and I. The past few months have been about healing, and research. I am a magnet for bisexual, confused, supposedly straight men. So I used it to my advantage. And the last one who came my way, a DC man coming to live here with his wife and family, got the most forgiving brush off I could give him. It was novel that he wanted me to meet his wife and kids. It was not that his wife agreed with me about our views on human sexuality. Like most women, she is hanging in there for her own reasons. But even this would have its predestined conclusions.
Do I need to be part of that? Do I choose so? This time no. It would have been too easy to want to do the humane thing and help someone out. But I realize, hey, in that equation, I am the one that anyone else would not help out.
Like in the case of Tod Seisser. All the so called compassion he had for me at the end was self serving, exactly what I felt would have happend in a worst case scenario, right at the start. For no man who can cheat on a long term partner can and will do right by you.
Still I do think of him fondly sometimes. The other day I asked my ex what I saw in him. I looked at his pictures again, read our communications. And truth be told, he was not my 'ideal' and the communications were toxic. Nevertheless, he had something. He was a character.
For some people I can see their future, be it for work or otherwise. One day I had a dream I was looking at a picture I had of him. He looked liked he was in a coffin. Which is a scary thing. It was like I was transported to the future and I was in the temple to pay my last respects. I remembered feeling sorrow, thinking of what he has done in his life to make him proud. And how the more recent years, his life was filled with drama, conflict and unfulfilled dreams. I am sure he would scoff at this notion, but he is no different from the millions of men in the US who are gay and married. There is always an opportunity cost. A disconnect.
The funny thing though is that I just found out that my blogs on Tod are appearing in google. I never knew that was possible. Anyway it is not something anyone should be alarmed about. Who really cares about Tod Seisser anymore to google him?
It is like the haze in Singapore. It is toxic, it makes one sick. It is something no one needs.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Saturday, October 07, 2006
fear. us. world. individual citizen. star wars.
A friend of mine told me that my emails of late have been negative.
I had not realized that. With many things that happen in the world, many of us turn the other cheek and choose a blind eye. My emails are always intended to encourage new thoughts, discourse and debate. I wrote without fear.
A few recent world events have dimmed the lights even more.
The US now has access to passenger details before any flight gets into US airspace. It was debated in the news media that this could lead to profiling. So if you have ordered a Moslem meal, the question is, would you then be detained based on your religion, or culinary preference?
The Canadian, Maher Arar case shows that 'extraordinary' rendition flouts international law, and infringes on human rights and civil liberties. It also shows anyone can be held without trial and legal counsel and be sent anywhere to be tortured without any real just cause. But the US has decided it is in their national interest to continue this practice.
The US had secret detention camps in Europe.
The Bush government has been legally allowed to carry out taps on private communications.
The controversy over head scarfs in the UK is really not about head scarfs or segregation from society. It screams of a lack of understanding, respect and intolerance. As I wrote to CNN, does a woman wearing a veil diminish YOUR quality of life? No. (nb: a lot of these women are actually wearing Louis Vuitton under their garb babe!)
So this is it.
This is the new world.
One shrouded in fear, where smaller nations are bullied and compliance is mandatory. One where people can have their lives destroyed for nothing. Will I be picked up and sent to Syria over my email communications or my choice of inflight meal? If I had visited the Middle East in the last 12 months, am I automatically a terror suspect? Will my desire to encourage discourse be seen as a threat to national security just because it challenges the status quo? Will my own country have enough clout to fight for my extradition back to home soil if that happens?
I know it seems laughable. But what is more ridiculous? Worries over what could happen to you when you travel or how the US is basically able to do whatever it wants to anyone around the world, all in the name of national security? Where do you draw the line and what does persecution of the innocent result in the war on terror? When do you stop using national security as an excuse for bad behavior?
We teach our kids to believe that one should never be afraid if one has done nothing wrong.
Clearly times have changed. Because even if you have done nothing wrong, you can still be subjected to torture, persecution and separation from family, friends and country.
I now wonder if I do want to live my productive years in the US. I wonder if it is worth it when the values the US claims to stand for, civil liberties, freedom, free speech and everything good about democracy is manipulated, changed and trampled on by the very country that promotes those values internationally.
On my very first visit to the US, I went to the Statue of Liberty. In my mind I exclaimed, 'Wow'. And I thought of the hope that was in the hearts of every immigrant that passed by it on the way to Ellis Island. They were going to be part of a country that supported the weak, and upheld the strong. These days, it just seems that the American government stomps on anything that is different from their way of life. And the weak get weaker.
An Australian boss of an airline that I know laughed over the US-EU passenger deal. He said they had no choice because non compliance could mean losing rights to land in the US. He said the US lives by one standard, and the rest of the world another. But when I said the American people are essentially good, he said yes, but they voted their President in.
I have been accused of American bashing. The correct way to say it is, I am a critic of American foreign policy. I love the people, the cities, the landscape..oh and DSW, Target and Century 21. Let's not forget The View, Best Buy, Oprah, HBO (USA), Ellen, Costco, the Met, MoMA, and Manhattan, Manhattan, Manhattan. :-) But I do think that this bullying is unhealthy.
Admittedly, some Americans have not appreciated my comments, some say that they know what I am saying is true, but they should not have to hear it from an outsider.
I used to think that fear was a waste of emotional space. After all we teach kids that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. But we never teach kids that sometimes bullies can not only instill fears, they can even actualize them.
In closing, let me quote a line from a movie.
In Star Wars Episode 3, Padme Amidala watched in horror as Chancellor Palpatine declared himself Emperor of a new republic, in the name of bolstering security. To which she said,"So this is how liberty dies...with thunderous applause."
This is reality today.
I have learned fear.
I had not realized that. With many things that happen in the world, many of us turn the other cheek and choose a blind eye. My emails are always intended to encourage new thoughts, discourse and debate. I wrote without fear.
A few recent world events have dimmed the lights even more.
The US now has access to passenger details before any flight gets into US airspace. It was debated in the news media that this could lead to profiling. So if you have ordered a Moslem meal, the question is, would you then be detained based on your religion, or culinary preference?
The Canadian, Maher Arar case shows that 'extraordinary' rendition flouts international law, and infringes on human rights and civil liberties. It also shows anyone can be held without trial and legal counsel and be sent anywhere to be tortured without any real just cause. But the US has decided it is in their national interest to continue this practice.
The US had secret detention camps in Europe.
The Bush government has been legally allowed to carry out taps on private communications.
The controversy over head scarfs in the UK is really not about head scarfs or segregation from society. It screams of a lack of understanding, respect and intolerance. As I wrote to CNN, does a woman wearing a veil diminish YOUR quality of life? No. (nb: a lot of these women are actually wearing Louis Vuitton under their garb babe!)
So this is it.
This is the new world.
One shrouded in fear, where smaller nations are bullied and compliance is mandatory. One where people can have their lives destroyed for nothing. Will I be picked up and sent to Syria over my email communications or my choice of inflight meal? If I had visited the Middle East in the last 12 months, am I automatically a terror suspect? Will my desire to encourage discourse be seen as a threat to national security just because it challenges the status quo? Will my own country have enough clout to fight for my extradition back to home soil if that happens?
I know it seems laughable. But what is more ridiculous? Worries over what could happen to you when you travel or how the US is basically able to do whatever it wants to anyone around the world, all in the name of national security? Where do you draw the line and what does persecution of the innocent result in the war on terror? When do you stop using national security as an excuse for bad behavior?
We teach our kids to believe that one should never be afraid if one has done nothing wrong.
Clearly times have changed. Because even if you have done nothing wrong, you can still be subjected to torture, persecution and separation from family, friends and country.
I now wonder if I do want to live my productive years in the US. I wonder if it is worth it when the values the US claims to stand for, civil liberties, freedom, free speech and everything good about democracy is manipulated, changed and trampled on by the very country that promotes those values internationally.
On my very first visit to the US, I went to the Statue of Liberty. In my mind I exclaimed, 'Wow'. And I thought of the hope that was in the hearts of every immigrant that passed by it on the way to Ellis Island. They were going to be part of a country that supported the weak, and upheld the strong. These days, it just seems that the American government stomps on anything that is different from their way of life. And the weak get weaker.
An Australian boss of an airline that I know laughed over the US-EU passenger deal. He said they had no choice because non compliance could mean losing rights to land in the US. He said the US lives by one standard, and the rest of the world another. But when I said the American people are essentially good, he said yes, but they voted their President in.
I have been accused of American bashing. The correct way to say it is, I am a critic of American foreign policy. I love the people, the cities, the landscape..oh and DSW, Target and Century 21. Let's not forget The View, Best Buy, Oprah, HBO (USA), Ellen, Costco, the Met, MoMA, and Manhattan, Manhattan, Manhattan. :-) But I do think that this bullying is unhealthy.
Admittedly, some Americans have not appreciated my comments, some say that they know what I am saying is true, but they should not have to hear it from an outsider.
I used to think that fear was a waste of emotional space. After all we teach kids that there is nothing to fear but fear itself. But we never teach kids that sometimes bullies can not only instill fears, they can even actualize them.
In closing, let me quote a line from a movie.
In Star Wars Episode 3, Padme Amidala watched in horror as Chancellor Palpatine declared himself Emperor of a new republic, in the name of bolstering security. To which she said,"So this is how liberty dies...with thunderous applause."
This is reality today.
I have learned fear.
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