Gratitude Journal/What have you done today...#5

-I finally got my Bose Triports and the guys at the shop were really nice
-I finally redeemed my birthday vouchers for some nice Apple stuff
-Ian has agreed to help me with my project
-I am thankful that while other parts of me may be crashing, my skin is still nice
-I had some great sambal shrimp today
-I am thankful for my friends. I was watching Grey's Anatomy tonight and Meredith was having just the worst day with her dog and the cheating ex lover, and she said that in spite of it all, there are some things to be grateful for. Her friends. i realize that my friends really had the patience to wait it out with me. To see me through the grieving process. I was so angry while I was in Thailand because I finally saw me...in someone else's shoes. I felt pity for him, and anger for me. I wished it could be different for him. But I can feel I am soon ready to move on to the next step of grieving. I am starting to feel not hatred or resentment, but a sense of letting go. I can feel that I am about to be able to tell myself that he should just go. And it's ok. I should have said from the start, don't you have a wife to go home to? I deserve better. and I deserve more. I know it's sad because I am very very picky. And I picked him. I guess it's sad more because he is the one that will have to live knowing he messed up. And no words can change that fact. No words can change the fact that his partner is living with a man she thinks she knows. And he wants so bad for her to really know him. But how do you know someone who doesn't know himself? Which brings me back to why it's starting to feel ok to let go. It's ok.
Forgiveness is letting go the hope that things can be different. I understand that now.

Gratitude Journal/What have you done today...#4

-I got off my ass and bought the HD I needed to do the Shanghai job
-I bought my niece something nice
-I made the effort to call Eric
-I am thankful that Jim is patient with my tantrums and that he still wants to be in my life
-I learned to appreciate Brokeback Mountain from a different perspective
-Had a great dinner with Caroline, who gave me props for going through stage 3 of mourning
-Helped Pop by telling Barkey that he owes him money

My New Friend

Note to self:

It is very refreshing to finally make friends with a totally straight guy who is so comfortable with himself and me that sexuality is not even an issue. Someone who is not confused, has no issues other than when can we dive again...

I don't know if this is one of those vacation friendships that will end up as nothing but I realize that I am capable of being appreciated by just about anyone and I am not limited to gay, bi and confused straight men! It's time to change the script.

No more complications. I just want nice guys who are straight in more ways than one.

Like David...

On a Hot Day in Khao Yai