Sin-Gay-Pore?

An expatriate acquaintance told me this: One-third of Singaporean males are gay.

Wow. Is that even possible? In a country so anal and homophobic, I couldn't fathom how he could get to such a conclusion.

The odd thing was I seem to learn a lot about Singapore from foreigners. Another expat told me about Raffles City, a big mall in town. He said, "Stand in the center of the atrium, look up, and see all those guys leaning against the railings of the different floors. They are all cruising." That was fascinating to me. I took his dare and indeed I saw guys just standing around. At first I thought they were waiting for friends, or just resting, tired from shopping. Until I walked past a white male in his 50's trying to pick up a 20-something. It was unmistakable, especially when he was blaring out in his Aussie accent about his sexual prowess. The boy, in all his Asian sensibilities was obviously cringing at being the center of attraction in what was supposed to be discreet.

It was also through foreigners that I learned a few more truths about Singaypore. I discovered that the 'Pink Dollar' is starting to gain prominence. Shops and services catering to the gay community are on the rise. They may be poor cousins to what you may find in Compton Street or Christopher Street. But the spirit is all there.

It is a spirit which I only started feeling when I first visited New York a few years back. I admit it. The word 'gay' to me was dirty. Something conditioned by environment more than a personal ethos. Then a friend guided me into world of the 'beautiful' men. Flashing lights, thumping house music, tight jeans, and gigantic muscles. Apparently no self respecting fpt gay man would dance with a shirt on. Sad to say, prior to that experience, I shared the same misconception as any straight Singaporean that gay men were mostly twinkies; thin, submissive and effeminate (the stereotype that some foreigners go for, much like how their straight counterparts choose their Asian mail order brides).

But these were men. Everything you would assume men should be...but more. Of course not everyone was body beautiful. But neither were they the odd outsider, they were regular people with regular lives. And they had their existence recognized as a community. Suddenly I could see 'gay' as power.

So perhaps what the expatriate acquaintance told me is true. One-third of Singaporean males are gay. And of course that is yet to cover Lesbians, Transgendered and Bisexuals. But one will never be able categorically confirm the truth of the statement. Can anyone really know what turns another person on, either emotionally or sexually if they don't tell you?

With the Prime Minister saying the Government is open to hiring openly gay individuals/foreigners into public service, the Pandora's box has been blasted sky wide. Even gay Singaporeans who chose to enjoy anonymity cannot remain hidden anymore.

How can they? When even their 'sympathizers' write to the dailies saying 'Hate the sin, Love the sinner'. How can they when people have resurrected the absolutely stupid and incorrect notion that AIDS is a gay disease. How can they when one church chose to put up a huge banner on the side of its exterior wall, visible from the above ground subway tracks, calling for confused gay individuals to change their ways through God. How can they when Church groups are now doing online and offline hate campaigns to lobby the Government to overturn their positioning. As a journalist noted over the weekend, since when has the Church persecuted its neighbors and er, its Prime Minister?

I never believed in politicizing the issue of identity. One needs to be allowed to be who one chooses to be sans discrimination. But in considering the Church's position, and in respecting its stand on how immoral gay people are, I am left with the following questions:

-What recourse does the Church suggest, since the very existence of homosexuality appears to be against the teachings of Christianity? Will a hate campaign solve the issue or further divide the camps?
-Would rounding every Gay man, woman, child, animal and insect and marooning them on an island help? I believe such an island would be called Mykonos.
-Since the existence of homosexuals in society is considered damaging to morality, does the Church prefer them dead? Or perhaps would they prefer compulsory re-programming and/or institutionalization?
-How would the Church propose to identify who is gay and by which criteria? By how creative their hairstyles are? Haven't we all learned from the Salem witch hunt? Or should Arthur Miller be made compulsory reading?
-What would the Church do if they discovered gay individuals within their ranks, or the ministerial leadership, or business heads, the media, etc. Replace them with less qualified people?

So what can you say about the Prime Minister if Singapore? He is realistic. You just cannot ignore or persecute the 'crime' of existence. But he is treading on thin ice. Surrounded by a ring of fundamentalists as neighbors, it won't be easy to affect change. Malaysia has already joined a coalition to remove gay rights. 'Nuff said.

Still the march is on. There are so many Singaporean gay websites, businesses, social groups that change is inevitable. There is incredible strength in a collective identity. And when the Singaporean 'Pink Dollar' gets more powerful, there is no stopping the need for a new social order. After all, Singapore is all about dollars and cents.

Perhaps when the need for acceptance is led by yet another Government campaign will things get better. They succeeded with the racial harmony campaign, why not a 'Love Your Neighbor' or a 'So What?' campaign?

Perhaps one day, Singapore will join the ranks of Europe, Australia and the Americas and have its own Pride Parade. God and perhaps even the Singapore Government knows its a real tourist dollar booster. A theater group is about to stage a play about it (surprising since the authorities passed it).

Perhaps one day life will imitate art.

Dictator.

This is a letter to a guy named Ken, in response to something he wrote:

__________________

hi ken

you dont know me. but i had the (dis) pleasure of reading an article you have been sharing around, titled "trying to help" by dennis miller.

my first reaction to it was not one of disgust or horror, but one that can be summarised by a single American born notion: "WHATEVER".

i am sure it was supposed to lighten the seriousness of the situation. so i wanted to lay it down as being so stupid, so idiotic and unthinking, that it truly didnt deserve any attention from anyone with half a brain.

see, i realized that it did take half a brain to write that article. only half a brain would make presuppositions, false historical claims and factual errors, and finally urge people to give up all human decency and intelligence to support a war that is becoming mass entertainment on CNN. isnt it wonderful that the US military has allowed MTV, the Rolling Stones mag, and journalists to climb on board their vehicles as they 'charge' into Iraq in a war that would 'shock and awe'. view from the ground...hmm.isnt it amazing that the US can turn an expedition to kill into a 3 ring circus with colorful bombastic rhetoric and imaginative press releases.

many things can be said about the US tactics, from how the government tries to generate support for the cause by instilling mass fear about further terrorist aggression, by blaming that on everyone else without acknowledging responsibility since the current foreign policy is igniting reactions worldwide, by not understanding that when you hit a animal, it would most likely end up biting you in self defense. but hey these can be debated right?

But:

one thing is true.

regardless of who is right or wrong. people will die. more iraqi than americans or british. esp since its becoming more apparent that iraq has disarmed. think about it. its a chess game. if iraq fights back, they would have proven bush's claim of their aggression. if they dont, they will get invaded. either way they lose. if this was about just saddam's regime, there would have been other ways to get him out. assassination? hmm just a thought. today however, CNN reported that US troops were targeting quote 'the prize'. Iraqi oil fields. now, do you need minimum education to understand what this means and what the final objective is?

i dont know you. and i dont judge you. but understand that propagating and distributing such an article is dangerous. if it is read by people with half a brain, the war could end up achieving the moral legitimacy it doesnt deserve.

btw i assume youre american. i know you guys believe saddam is a dictator. i agree. but hey look at this definition in the webster's dictionary:

Main Entry: dic·ta·tor
Pronunciation: 'dik-"tA-t&r, dik-'
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin, from dictare
Date: 14th century
1 a :a person granted absolute emergency power; especially :one appointed by the senate of ancient Rome b:one holding complete autocratic control c:one ruling absolutely and often oppressively
2:one that dictates


i suppose autocratic control, ruling absolutely presupposes rule without the mandate of the majority, and/or the people. it is totally non democratic, non elected and non supported.

funny. sounds like your president is a dictator too.

food for thought.

take care ken.

The Mourning After

The old saying that time heals all wounds is not absolutely true. Much of the world events today are born of things that happened in the past.

The American President George W. Bush’s hatred for Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. The escalating Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Everything can be traced to historical roots.

Is it so unreasonable for people to put things in perspective and move on to a better, more hopeful future?

Why can’t people just get over it and get a life?

Three days ago, my family observed a quiet memorial day. It was the first year anniversary of the death of my nephew, who would have been two this year.

I still remember the time I received the call.

It seemed like any other day. Slog at work, come home to my Macintosh. Then the call came. And everything came crashing down. If anything it was the screaming in my head that made me feel like my being had exploded and had spread out over a thin area. I was bouncing off walls for the wrong reasons with no destination. The feeling of not knowing what to do, the inability to change what cannot be changed, was overwhelming.

One year on, that has not left me.

I enjoy my bus trips to work. Sometimes, those few minutes give me some of my better ideas for work. Since then however, I’ve also been visited with memories. Just like my better ideas, these memories come out of the blue. And the same screaming returns.

Perhaps it stems from a sense of guilt. Contrary to being a good Muslim, I sometimes find myself questioning the logic of such a loss. He was a special child. It is a stand I take not because he was my nephew, but because it is a fact. They say every child is special and that may be true. But this baby was an old soul with a mind that was learning and processing at a very fast rate. So why this child?

I toyed with the possibility of punishment. Did my family do something wrong to deserve this? Were we being dealt with in this life for our vanity? Truly, the baby was a source of joy and pride. I myself thought he was so cute and more importantly, gentle that I put him in one of my film projects. Even my crew felt that he was so much better than the other child we had on standby. That made me feel proud.

Historically speaking, vanity has always been punished with tragedy. Just look at Michael Jackson. Moot point.

Still, the reasons why eludes me. And perhaps that is how it is meant to be. They say that everything happens for a reason. But maybe that reason is not for us to know.

Yesterday my manager was reviewing a trailer I was cutting for the movie “The Accidental Tourist”. In it, a couple had to deal with the premature death of their pre-teen son. The anguish and the sorrow, the impact of the family seemed all too close for comfort.

My manager asked me why people couldn’t just deal with the tragedy of loss and move on.

It was then that I learned something.

For all the sayings of a better tomorrow, only one thing is true. That until Armageddon is upon us, there is always a tomorrow. Is it better? That is something else.

For me, the pain does not soften as it is tied to memories. Memories are potent deliverers of what you no longer have. You do not stop grieving over losses, you never do. You take it and store it aside in an attempt to cope and carry on. But the mourning never ceases. So while you do not wake up with a puffy face, swollen eyes and a major headache like the first morning after the loss, you do not stop mourning regardless.

I don’t think we are meant to forget when something as monumental as this happens. As humans, we are given a will. And that is what you will have to use to manage the loss.

So you don’t forget. You never do. And for all the things that are happening in the world today, you can’t knock the fact that the past is an active ingredient to what will happen in qqthe present and future.